Some quick and shallow thoughts from Her Imperial Majesty

They're crackin that whip... but you know how I do. I gotta slack for at least 15 minutes. Shallow = not deep, superficial, triflin. 1. People with stale phone conversation probably have stale breath to match. 2. I will probably get into a fight at some point while driving, and it will be all Lil Jon's fault. 3. People with pretty eyes think you want to look into them all the time. 4. These people are probably trying to hypnotize me into letting them touch me. 5. If I say I'm going to bed at 9:30, don't keep me up until 10 with your staleness. 6. My hair looks so damn good right now. 7. I'm hungry. Man, what am I thinking. I gotta elaborate, or this just wouldn't be a real damn post. To hell with work (for right now). First of all, I am distressed to report that SC is playing with my emotions. He showed back up today with the naps. I swear, he must just fall asleep, roll all over the bed, kung-fu fight in his sleep, and then just go to work. I am saddened once more. He attacks me as soon as I walk in the door with some kinda math question (and we all know Misty repeatedly FAILED math through college), all looking into my eyes super deep and shit. Just bad and wrong. And as if the all-too-early departure of the afro wasn't bad enough, I found out he's got a kid. The little boy is gorgeous. I'd love to hug him and squish him, but.. uh... naw homie. NOOOOOPE. That kilt it all right there. No more baby daddies for The Neighborhood Queen. I don't get down like that. Process of elimination is a bitch with cramps, but oh well. NEXT MAN IN LINE PLEASE! Thank you. Secondly, damn. Men, step your phone game up. Please don't bore me past my bedtime and expect me to be all hyped to kick it. Damn. What have I gotten my dumb self into??? Ugh. How you gonna hold me on the phone when it is painfully obvious that I wanna go to bed, and you're not even saying anything? I HATE being responsible for the conversation, and if you force me to do that, I'm not gonna be too inclined to talk to you often. It's supposed to be an EXCHANGE, between two socially developed adults, not a damn INTERROGATION! If I've done the majority of talking in a 20 minute period, then thats a hot ass red flag that I won't be doing much with you in the future. Damn. Go jump off a bridge, get hit by a car, get shot, do something interesting. Then call me when you got something to discuss. Unless you're just naturally hilarious and I don't mind talking to you about nothing. But there ain't many folks that can manage that with me. Because I have a short attention span. Shit. Then there's the fact that someone ate my pastrami sandwich last night. I was gonna eat that shit on the way to work! I would wish a tummy ache upon them, but since it is obviously someone in my damn house, I can't wish bad on my fam. But ooohhh, if I could.... Y'all niggas is HOES! Is it just me, or is the CrunkJuice CD one super long Tourettes Moment? I mean, that nigga screamed out "Bitch bitch" in rapid succession for no damn reason! It was too hilarious! My brother has fallen victim to the subliminal curse of Lil Jon, so his car is all CrunkJuice, all the time. I hate riding with him. But I tell you, by the time I got outta that car I knew it was time to whoop SOMEONE's ass, didn't matter whose. "What they gon' do? SHIT!" Remind me to never listen to CrunkJuice while inebriated. Because I sometimes think I'm like 5'11" and 240 lbs when I'm drunk. And then sometimes I confuse myself with a stripper, but thats neither here nor there. And my homies wonder why I just don't drink. I'm too little for that shit. Lightweight in every sense of the word. And I don't care, so don't gimme no shit about it. Besides. I've scheduled a drunk ass Mo'Fo lesson with an accomplished and seasoned drunk ass. So I'll be able to hold it down at some point, LOL. Okay, I've wasted enough time. Lemme get my ass back out in that field before some HN snitches on me. I'm out for now.