The recap you've all been waiting for.

Good morning my citizens, peasants, IC, and suckas of the IK. I am pleased to make the following report: You may all uncross your fingers now. The date did NOT suck. Although I had my escape route planned so that the fam could get to me in about 5 minutes, escape was unnecessary. In consideration of my male residents, I shall not go into too much graphic detail. But for my sistas, you know I got y'all. First of all, he gets mad points for coming out even though he had a cold. I gave him the option to reschedule twice and he blatantly refused. He's soft spoken, but he's assertive too. Got that thang where he can look at you and calm you down. I was agitated because it was super crowded. I didn't say anything when he left to check on our table, but I hate being alone in crowds. So I was starting to freak out because it was taking him hella long and I couldn't see him when I looked for him. But when I looked up the second time I saw him, he smiled at me and came back over. But I was perfectly okay before he made it back to me. He was like, "don't worry, no matter where I go I can see you. You're not gonna get lost amidst the white folks." I was straight after that. And he can pray. Nigga said the best dinner blessing I've ever heard on a date. And I didnt even have to suggest it!! But enough of that. Lemme get to what counts. Y'all... the nigga is PHOINE up close. Like, I was ready to either lick him or give him a lap dance. Couldn't decide which. I didn't know he was mixed. I never asked. But it makes perfect sense given the hair texture. He's kinda light skinned. His hair was cut super short but it was so wavy and pretty, his goatee was lined all perfectly and shit, he's got the nicest damn lips I've seen in a hot minute. And his body? Aww. I wasn't ready. Jesus gimme the strength. Man. The way that shirt fell on his chest?? GOOD LAWD I was ready to die up in there. Completely ressurected my faith in negroes who lift weights. And he showed up with these big ass roses!!!! And he's got fuckin dimples when he smiles, and did I tell y'all how good his chest looked in that damn shirt? And his arms?? And everything else? Aww man. He smelled GOOD like that damn Ecko cologne, not the sinister D&G! And he has an ASS! Yes! I cannot have a man without ass. There is something very bad and wrong about assless men. They must have ass for reasons I cannot go into here. Anyway. So yeah he was ultra sexy. I'mma stop here, because I'm gonna have a damn fit just thinking about this negro's sexiness. Lawd hammercy. Now as sexy as he was, I woulda still had to bail if he hadn't have said shit. But he was able to talk. He ran his mouth right along with me, and we was singin and shit in the car to some old ass songs. I was so happy he knew the words, because I knew the words. And his singing does NOT suck (unlike mine, but at least I know I suck, so shut up). So I was very happy that he'd somehow learned to talk over the past week. Because I can't be with someone who can't talk to me when I feel like talking. Or even if I don't feel like talking. I might need to listen to you. But if you dont talk? Hell naw. But he came through in that respect. The only beef I've got is the staring thing. I don't like people muggin me down while I'm eating. Or shit, period. I've gotta work on him where that is concerned. Because I cannot deal with folks staring all super hard like he's trying to look into my soul or something. That kinda freaked me out. But other than that it was all good. At his request, which I honored, he is my Official Valentine for 2005 (which may be kinda bad if he operates in the ways of Killa Cal, but hey). Therefore, I now have one Official Imperial Valentine, Three Bootleg Unofficial Valentines, and a shitload of Stalkalistic Unwanted Valentines. As of right now, there are 2 packages waiting for me in the front office, and I am afraid. Anyway. Onto the decision of the day. So in honor and respect of the escort and all-good date, henceforth known as Un-Boring, I am removing the Kingdom Wide Moratorium I've placed on valentines day (187), retroactive from 12:00 a.m. PST. However, this does not change the fact that valentine's day is still a bitch ass holiday. Therefore, if you want to sacrifice teddy bears and/or desecrate heart shapes, or burn valentine cards, be my guest. I fully condone ALL heathenistic activity against valentines day because it still sucks. Matter of fact, I reverse the decision I just made. I'mma resume my hatred and reinstate my Imperial Moratorium, in honor of all my sistas with no men, sorry men, stalkalistic men, shitty baby daddies, all the SOB's that make this holiday suck flaming hot ass for most of the women I know. I'm renaming this day to "Kiss My Ass You Sorry [insert expletive of choice, it's all about you, ladies]". The Queen has mandated it, and it shall be so. I feel you ladies, fight the power.