Rifle Love and Detachable Bra Straps

Yeah, as the title implies, this is gonna be a jumbled entry. But you love it though. Anyway, its time for a sporadic Imperial CD Review by Her Imperial Majesty. The CD in question is called Ray-Ray, by the almighty Illustrious Kingdom Musician Raphael Saadiq. This shoulda been an easy review. I shoulda just been able to say, "This shit is great, and I mandate you all to buy it." But alas, I cannot. Why, you ask? A couple of reasons. In my almighty, the-only-one-that-counts, most regal opinion, the CD falls short of Instant Vintage. It barely passed my 3 song purchase quota. It made 3 this morning because of the song Rifle Love. I think it's purely the ghetto chick in me, but I love gunshot noises in songs. Don't say shit, or you'll be scheduled for Imperial Execution straightaway. Anyways, yeah. I like three songs on there so far. I'm going to force myself to listen to it just like I did Van Hunt. Because dammit, I paid for this CD. So I can't afford to not like it. But I don't know whether it's the pimp motif, or what that is throwing me as far as this CD is concerned. I had an indication it may have been less than his best when it came out in October and I had no damn clue until the concert this past November. Then I asked the Imperial Music Guru homie (aiight, I asked Panama. But he's still a music critic of sorts), and he said his friend, an avid Raphael fan like myself, didn't think it was all that great. I bought it any damn way. And now, I'm in slight turmoil. Because I love Raphael. I love Tony Toni Tone. I loved Lucy Pearl (when they were in existence, LOL). But this? This is truly testing my unconditional love here. So the final verdict? It's gonna have to grow on me. Because I refuse to dislike it. That is all. My bra strap snapped while I was driving this morning. I thought someone shot me in the shoulder with a BB gun. That shit hurt something too fierce, and scared me even worse. I have on a sweater so I couldn't even fix it until I got to work. F'in hassle, man. I wish bras weren't necessary. Usually I dont care, but shit like this makes me realize how opressed I am. I coulda wrecked the Chariot behind that BS. But I didn't. I tell you what though, I'm hereby banning all versatile, convertible bras with detachable straps. Them shits are straight from hell. I am officially throwing in the towel on Queen vs. Shit-Ass Holiday Party. I couldn't force myself to go back out there. I felt like I was putting myself on the stroll or something, LOL. Only I wasn't getting paid. That shit ain't me. I Reign Supreme because my monarchy is a Dictatorship... meaning it's only ME running this MF. I'm anti-social and mean. Thats the way I've always been, so F' it. It's down to 2 guys, and I know them both from my wicked and evil past at LMU (unfortunately). But I'm almost certain one of them wont grope me if I take him. So I may be calling him back, as the other guy is a definite groper. Its too bad, because they weren't the finest out the bunch, but they were the less perverted and warped of the bunch. So I'm stuck. Damn party. I'll be glad when this shit is over. Well I mandate y'all get to work. I don't know what the hell's going on around here, but I've had a lot of work since Tuesday. BOOO. But I will always find a way to sit on my ass at some point. Because thats what I do. So yeah, get off the internet and do some work like me. The Queen has mandated it, and y'all shall make it so. Govern yourselves accordingly. And I'm out.