Peace and flowers.

Today I am not an asshole. Unless you count the fact that I'm probably not gonna do any work for the next 5 hours. But I mean, damn... who actually works in the IK? If you do, then you've got the wrong idea about my regime up in here. Anyways, today is Isley Brothers and Brothers Johnson Tuesday here in the Imperial Kingdom. And in honor of these two stupendous musical groups, I shall be somewhat kinder today than I was yesterday. The Isley Brothers and Macaroni bring out the best in me, both of which I am delighted to report are in my posession today. The day is starting out lovely. I woke up super late, and as a result I have on ugly pants. Why are they ugly? I'm not telling, because y'all will clown me, thus increasing the line for Imperial Execution. But they're ugly. And I didn't have time to get better pants, because I was super late. So I'm here, with ugly pants. But.... my car is still CLEAN! See??? See how today is a lovely day? There was no dust on it, and it is still bright and shiny like a MF. I drove like 95 mph on the street all the way to work, ran a light and a stop sign, and I didn't get caught! Isn't that lovely? You're damn right it is. I have a good lunch. I have only 2 samples this morning. I have SODA (which has been banned in my house due to my strange... uh... dependency on it) so that is a good thing too. Let me further explain the soda embargo my household has placed on me. I cannot (a) buy any soda and let it be known (b) no one can buy soda for me (c) I am not to stop any ice cream trucks. (d) no one is to sneak soda over the fence to me, or leave it next to the tire at night. (e) All bills smaller than a $5 have been removed from my coin purse, and I have no damn change for the vending machine. Lunch is thoroughly inspected before Moms goes to work in the morning because I got caught trying all of the above, and moms had a mini-hissy fit. They're all worried and shit because I'm addicted to Cokes and Big Red Soda. Kidney-schmidney. Blah, man. See, they don't understand, to deprive me is to make me irrational and insane. Then I gotta start slowly killing off houseplants and parking the wrong way and spinning my tires on her precious grass when I dont feel like parallel parking in front of the house. And scanlessly unpluging Christmas lights before its time. But I have my ways around this shit during the day. No one can watch me on the way to work, or here at work. I only have withdrawls at night when she's got watchdog ass Pops, Nisha, and Jr on my ass. So yeah, my 1 liter of Coke is a Big F'in Deal. And I'mma drink the whole damn thing this morning. Good times. Well in light of my beautiful morning, I'm definitely not gonna work. I'm gonna talk on the phone and spread the Isley Love to the less fortunate. So today, I'mma mandate that all y'all join the Caravan of Love. If someone is begging to get cussed out, fight it! Don't flip 'em off when they cut you off on the freeway! I'm gonna fight it too, so you're not alone. Matter of fact, I didn't cuss anyone out from pure wrath in a long time... since like last week or something. *insane applause here* Yes, thank you... thank you. So every woman, every man, join the caravan, dammit. Have a sexy day until I get back. That is all.