When the do-rag comes off in the middle of the night...

... you know the next day is gonna suck ass. That's right my people. The impecably tied do-rag came off last night. I don't know how, or why. I haven't lost a scarf in years, since Jr. High School. This left me in quite a quandary this morning. I know I was having stupid dreams and all, but damn. How realistic did it get that I had to come up outta the rag? And jeapordize the immaculence of the cornrows in the process? Luckily enough, I believe the heinous event occured close to the time I had to get up, so the cornrows were still neat when I got out of bed. Nevertheless... the Queen is perplexed. That was a bad omen. That means I'm virtually doomed for someone to start some mess with me today. Better put the guard up triple thick and dig out that Fred Hammond CD moms keeps forcing me to listen to. Anyway, I have come to a Conclusion of Imperial Proportions. I don't know enough famous, or otherwise well off people. I was talking to one of the newer IM folks last night (before I was rudely uprooted from the Fam-Mafia computer since my laptop is an asshole), and he was laying out his vacation-slash-general travel plans. I was cool on most of the itinerary, but damn. Ol' boy said "Dominican Republic". F'in Dominican Republic, y'all. Now I have no reason to go there. I know nobody who's ever been there, wants to go there, has previously lived there. But for some reason, I'm like, "Dammit, I wanna go there too". I know I'm a spoiled ass heffa. But now I'm spoiled with a purpose and a mission. I'm takin' my ass somewhere that isn't so close to the United States if it kills me (and it just might). I don't know where I'm going yet. I'm not gonna bite his style ('cause I sure ain't got the ends or the friends to do that.. ain't no future in ya frontin') and go to the D.R. Nope, I think I'll go somewhere broker, like Belize. I know folks in Belize so I might go there. I have to make sure one of the damn stalkalistic ex-es wont be there though (yeah, I got ex-es from all over. Don't even trip). Chances are slim that we'd run into each other, but then again thats the crap-ass luck I seem to have. People find me in the damndest ways. Well, now that I think about it, I may pass on Belize. But I'm going some-damn-where. And that's real. Now onto other matters of the IK: What I have noticed that is pissing me off this morning. I noticed that there was a fine layer of dust on my car. I am very peeved with this discovery, since I slaved over it the other day. I also noticed that ex-Baby is making it a point to smell like Dolce and Gabanna every damn day now, and he's also making it a point to come up to me every damn day. He knows he's difficult to resist. Once again, I am peeved. I have noticed that putting names on tupperware is becoming less and less effective in my house. Therefore I must institute newer forms of food protection, or start dishing out paper cuts and lemon juice when folks fall asleep. I have noticed that my Illustrious Kingdom Musician known as Raphael Saadiq's CD is scratched, which is an Imperial Offense punishable by bleach on a favorite clothing item. I just have to find out who borrowed it last. I have also noticed that my other-than-legally-obtained nelly CD is missing. Also punishable by the aforementioned method if any harm befalls my CD. I have noticed that the Imperial Pops is a TV tyrant, and his tyranny extends from night to early into the morning before he goes to work. Damn, can a sista check the weather channel PLEASE???? Just had to share that, not like I can do anything about it (right now) from my ultra-sexy place of employment. Well, it is time to act like I got some sense and get my ass to work. I hereby mandate that SOMEBODY, I don't care who, send me some ideas for my brother's birthday. That's right, it is the Imperial Baby Brother Whom Her Imperial Majesty Hates 95% of the Time's birthday today, and I have no idea what to get him. Shit, that's what he's got a fiance for, right? But I don't wanna just be lazy and give him money (although that's what it's looking like right about now). So help me. That is all. I have mandated it and y'all had better make it so (before I get offa work this afternoon, too).