Life lessons by The Almighty Sole Monarch

Bad dreams can tell you a WHOLE lot about yourself. I mean, on a deeply philosophical, psychology degree ass level. See, now I know that I'm afraid of missed opportunities and making decisions. I guess I punk out when it is time to act certain things. This has to be a subliminal fear of mine, because I am not aware of it while I'm awake. The shit just haunts me at night. Follow me. Last night I had a bunch of bad dreams. Dream #1: I'm on some kinda lame-ass game show. I know the right answer, but I don't hit the buzzer in time because I wasn't sure. So then my turn gets skipped, and I'm all ultra pissed off. So I spend the rest of the show hitting all the other contestants buzzers and answering the questions. But I don't win anything, I just get into a fight. Then for some reason my cat Luda showed up, and it kinda got fuzzy from there. Don't ask me. Dream #2: I'm at my most favorite Chinese food restaraunt. It's my turn to order, and I can order as much of anything I want because for some reason I'm not paying. So I stand there all night trying to order something healthy instead of what I really want (all the rice, all the chicken chow mein, all the broccoli beef, all the little chicken shishkabob thingies, and a big huge vat of Coke). So I just stand there like a doofus until they're about to close the store. Then I try to order all this stuff, and I can't because the kitchen is closing. So all I got is an egg roll. And then for some reason, I'm fighting again at the cleaners next door to the chinese food store. Once again, don't ask. Dream #3: Momma asks me what I want for dinner because it is my special dinner day and no one else's dinner requests matter (I know that was a dream). Now in real life I'd have yelled out Lasagna, or macaroni and bbq ribs, pizza, Quiznos, or something else that I always like to eat. Why couldn't my black ass think of nothing??? I'm just standing there like an idiot, all "duuhhh" staring into the pantry. Here comes Junior and screams "fried chicken!" I didn't want any damn fried chicken. But I was too late. She poured the oil in the skillet and got to frying. I just sat on the little stool and made some chicken top ramen on a hot plate (I have no idea where the stool or the hot plate came from) and that was my dinner. Then I fought Junior because he put his finger in my top ramen. Now that part is logical, because that shit gives me full license to bust the offending party in the head with the nearest blunt object. Don't touch my food, even if it is top ramen. But then I went outside and ate my top ramen on the hood of my car even though it was raining. I think I'd lost my keys or something. And then I had a nappy afro because the straw set from hell is allergic to water (No perm, y'all). So then I had to comb it out and it hurt. That was a hella bad dream. After that, I couldn't take it. I forced myself to wake up, hungry and disgusted. Then I realized what my mind is telling me, I'm afraid of making decisions. Not big ones, like career choices. But the little ones that require thought, like what to eat for dinner. I didn't realize I bothered myself that much. Now I'm going to focus on being more decisive in terms of little decisions. Don't sweat the small shit? Whatever, man. I'm gonna sweat all of it, because obviously what I thought was small isn't small. It's ruining my beloved, slack-jaw, dead-to-the-world, comatose sleep. So my subjects, I believe it would behoove all of you to examine your dreams (unless they're good ones, who cares about that). You're probably suffering some kinda mini-psychosis that you were unaware of. Now you too can be free of your psychosis. Or at least I hope so. I'm sick of coming to work sleepy with fingernail imprints in the palms of my hands where I've had my fists balled up all night. BLAH. I'm too sleepy to do anything, even mandate. So I'm gonna sit on my ass for about 3 hours until I can wake up. In that case, go run amuck and act like some stone cold fools for all I care. I'm gonna take a nap. I'm out.