When Nature Attacks

First and foremost, I'm issuing a prayer mandate on behalf of Sir Henry and his better half. They stay in Florida, right where that hurricane is headed. So stop what you're doing (that would be reading this) and pray for them folks that are in harms way. Thanks. Now onto my recent issue. I was attacked by butterflies. I like butterflies as much as the next person. I like to watch them fly at lunch and think to myself, "Butterflies are so pretty. God did a good job on them." But today, something must have been in the air, because them MF's was on assault mode. I'm chillin' in my picnic chair, with my rice bowl, fruit punch, strawberry soda, and teddy grahms (I can't spell that word for shit). The big ol' orange and black butterfly comes past and flies into my personal space. I kinda freak out, but I don't swing on it or nothing like that. I just sat there like, "damn. That butterfly cut that close." I sit there for a couple more minutes, and here it comes again. This time it landed on the seat of my car right across from me, and flew away. I didn't like that too much. I contemplated packing up the chair and going to the lunch room, but I decided that wasn't no butterfly gonna punk me like that. Next thing I know, three of them big ass butterflies was flying around my head. And they'd brought a couple of bumblebees with they ass. So at this point I freak out and swing on the butterflies, while dodging the bees. I pick up my picnic chair, throw that bamma in the trunk, slam it, and commense to burning rubber down the parking lot. I pull up in my spot, thinking that I'll just eat on the stairs. Not so. A WHOLE DIFFERENT CLAN of butterflies decided to swarm the plants about 3 feet from me. So I gave up and came back in the lab. I am depressed. I'm pretty damn sure that no one else in Long Beach or Compton got attacked by butterflies today. So if I say something, I'mma get clowned. Then I have to either kung-fu chop them in the neck, or kick them in the ankle. Both can be construed as workplace violence, and I can get fired. So I am keeping quiet about the butterfly assailants. Royal Mandate: Now hear this, from this day forward it is open season on Fugly Ass Giant Mammoth Butterflies in the Imperial Kingdom. Feel free to stomp, smash, and anihilate all butterflies you see. Because that is what I'm planning to do from now on. That is all.