Only the Strong (and the ones with PMS)

Good lookin' out to Sir Henry of Masterpiecea for remembering the name of my nightmare. Because I couldn't remember the name of that movie to save my life, LOL. I’d say good morning, but its almost afternoon. So I’ll just say “what’s happenin’ folks.” As you can see, this post is later than usual. Don’t worry, no one is making me work or anything terrible like that. Rather, it was a mini-blackout up here. Which was a beautiful thang, because I went and ate Cinnamon Toast Crunch in my car and listened to the stereo until I saw the maintenance crew go back inside. Lovely indeed. I know you’re all dying to know if I had to use the insane gangsta arts of the Ba-na-na-weh. Well I didn’t. I was ready to. But I will say this; it looked like every woman up at that dealership had the same idea as I did. Yoga pants, Nikes or Reeboks, and tank tops was the uniform of the morning. And bitch faces. Lots and lots of bitch faces. There was so much estrogen in the air the service men were hiding in the little booths. When I drove up, the Angry White Chick Mafia gave me the nod like “Wassup”. I nodded in accordance, and realized if I did have to use my capoeira, that I would not be alone. Them women looked like they’d been practicing Tae-Bo for this very moment. There were mostly SUV’s, then my Mustang, and this other chick had a Focus. But we all had the same agenda, we wasn’t taking no shit offa the service men. My appearance gave them that much more strength, because ain’t a person alive who hasn’t heard of the Black Woman’s Wrath. We were too deep up in that dealership, and the servicemen didn’t want it with us. We were armed with instructions from husbands, boyfriends, brothers, cousins, etc on what the servicemen were supposed to check. I could tell, because when I asked about my fuel injection the guy had this look on his face like “Oh no… one of those”. And all his Cro-Magnon Sexist Counterparts had the same look. I know they were glad as we left, but some women stayed with their cars. I had Junior’s scary looking ass come pick me up, in case dude thought I was playing about my car. He made the murder complete. When I picked that car up, it was nice and clean, had a full tank of gas even. So Ford West Dealership of Chauvinist Pigs = 0, The Almighty Queen Misty = 1 Manifest Destiny in a Real Way I don’t know if y’all paid attention in history class, but I did. And whenever the whiteys encroached on someone’s land, they called it Manifest Destiny. Well the Queen has taken over another territory… this one being Home Depot in Gardena. I had to move all the construction men outta the way, because they think they own Home Depot. Them and the spoiled housewives who only buy ugly ass plants, but are following you through plumbing and electric to make sure the husbands don’t see you first. I had to slay them without mercy, because they was in the way. Then I subdued the big sexy Samoan paint guy, the evil wood cutting guy, and the stank ass lighting guy. They thought they didn’t want to help me. But when they realized I didn’t need they stankin’ help, they was all over a sista. And I wasn’t cute. I had on some to’ up shorts with this old Super Slow Jam tour shirt covered in pastel lavender paint. Plus the rag that was gray from where I’d already been sanding the walls. See, I took down the bathroom in one move, sanded, paint, added wallpaper border along the ceiling, and moulding along the floor, just like momma wanted it. She was ultra surprised. Then I went and got a ceiling fan and installed that bamma in the bedroom with a little help from Nisha. I made like 6 trips to the Home Depot all by myself. Then I bought a new stereo, and some bathroom accessories. (well I wasn’t supposed to get a stereo but I couldn’t help it.) I reign supreme, bitches! HA! Side note: I am now in serious pain. Help me please. Thank you. Well time to kick back and do a whole bunch of nothing. Because you know how I do. It’s too late for the morning mandate, but I will give you a Royal Warning. Tylenol and Vitamin B complex wear off quickly under stressful circumstances. Beware of skinny women in blue skirts with blue and white Nike Cortez. She’s got the pain of death and the strength of She-Ra. She has the power, people. And Ba-Na-Na-Weh to you all. I’m out.