Someone pass the Raid, the Combat, Something!

And gimme my husband T.I. on the phone... I need his 9 from his right and his .45 from his otha hand while I'm at it.

I am so freaked out right now. I came to work, all set to have a good day. There isn’t too many samples, I’ve got things all clean like I like them to be, I’ve got my Isleys here with me along with Marvin and the Temptations. It was gonna be a good Friday up in here.

Until I opened the 35° C incubator.

The biggest roach ever creeped up outta there. Shit looked like it was two mutations shy of starring in Mimic. I screamed (like a for real girl) and simultaneously hopped up outta the left Nike. I started swinging and smashing shit, but I missed. The thing ran under the itty-bitty crack beneath the incubator.

I’m depressed, y’all. First of all, this is a MICROBIOLOGY LAB. There isn’t supposed to be anything gross in here because it could contaminate the samples. Then, there’s this little issue about me screaming.

No one came to my rescue.

That means if a chainsaw massacre type nigga came thru to kill me, no one could hear me scream. Which means I could die up in here.

I’m officially scared of my job now. Roaches + potential for unsolved homicide = not a good formula sanity. Not at all. All morning I’ve been looking over my shoulder and twitching like a dope fiend because I think something’s crawling on me. Not to mention the fact that I’ve locked myself up in this piece. Ain’t no murderous production forklift driver coming in here up on my scary ass. Then, I went to lunch and the place is a ghost town. Like all the lab folks disappeared. We’re not allowed to all come up missing at once. I have the 2nd lunch shift with a couple of other old Chinese dudes. So where the hell did everyone go? This is some sick ass Sci-Fi channel, 28 days later kinda mess. Don’t like this… not at all.  So I came back in the lab and locked the door.

I feel extra crazy. So I’mma try and think happy thoughts….

Can’t come up with any. Guess I better get back to work. BLAH. I wanna go home. I can’t even give a Royally Majestic Mandate, because I’m too busy looking for roaches. OMG, this is too damn sad. I’m out. I need to get out in the open space so I can see if the bugs come for me.

By the way, The Prime Minister is experiencing his crackish sightings again... dude said he saw two broads in tiaras for no reason. I'm too through with LA chickenheads. Oh yeah, and Ashanti sucks hella bad. That’s all I’mma say about that heffa.

Side note: This was my 100th post! All that says is I'm one bored and lazy heffa, and I'm extremely skilled at shirking all work. Go 'head and be like me, you've only got til the end of today before you're back in violation.