Misty's Morning Rant

Good Morning my lovely peasants, subjects, members of the Imperial Court.   Today's topic will be brought to you by the letters H, A, and B. You'll see why in a minute. This morning, your Imperial Highness was assaulted at the Rite Aid offa Central and Rosecrans. The assailant was relentless in his pursuit, but somehow I escaped unscaved. I ducked and doged every way I knew how, but his Kung-Fu was too strong. I nearly succumbed to the crafty blows. Finally, I made my daring escape, Bowl Appetit's in hand out the sliding door to the Royal Chariot and gunned up outta there. Now what kinda assault was this that caused me to flee for my life? HOT ASS BREATH, that's what. He was a relatively decent looking gentleman, not quite my type but cool on the eyes nevertheless. Divorced in his 30's w/ a couple of bay bays (do they all fit this description once you hit 25? DAMN.) Anyway, he was an employed brotha so I wasn't trippin' when he complimented me on my Nike selection and my hair. But when I turned to accept this complimental barrage, I was dropped by his breath. I held mine, turned from left to right, acting like I was pricing stuff for my lunch. I woulda handed him some gum, but I only had 2 pieces left, so those were for me and me alone. Finally I looked at my clock and was like, "You know, I really enjoyed talking to you, but I don't want to be late to work. I just started there." He was nice and understanding, handed over his number with no hesitation. From this day forward, coffee of any kind is forbidden in the Imperial Kingdom. Because only you can prevent stale ass breath. His breath kilt it for me. I don't wanna call him now. Not because of the bay-bay situation (well maybe a little because of that. I don't dig ex-wives, and they loathe me. We're allergic to one another.), but because I'm in mortal fear of 'cuzz breath. I don't think I'll be able to play it off all night, and it smelled rather permanent. Oh well, thus is my mandate for the morning: NO COFFEE IS EVER ALLOWED IN MY PRESENCE AGAIN. Thank you. Oh yeah, and go do your work now! I've mandated it, and it shall be so. I may be back, you know how I do. But until then, I'm out. Govern yourselves accordingly.