She Hauls Much Ass.

Dammit, I AM 2 Fast 2 Furious. You betta act like you know.

Now, I'm supposed to be at work, bugging y'all around 5:30 or so. But why didn't my black ass wake up until 5:10? I took the quickest shower ever, brushed up the grill real quick-like, threw on the first thing I saw on the foot of the bed, and got in the wind. All by 5:20 this morning.

Why did I make it to work at 5:35?

I know you're saying, "Hell, I don't know why. What 'chu askin' me for?" I'm asking you because you need to appreciate how fast I was driving. It is a 25 minute drive to work (on a good day) when I'm on time. When I'm not, its about a 35 minute drive. I made it from Compton to Industry in 15 minutes y'all!

You're not feeling me. Lemme break it down to you.

The Royal Obstacle Course to Work

By your (Not-So) Friendly Neighborhood Queen

1. I have to travel on 3 separate freeways. That is a problem in itself.

2. The Brown... b.k.a. the Mexi.cans.

Now hol' up. Before the hate mail comes a-flowin in (to which I will cuss all of you out, dont even play yourself) let this be known. I have no beef w/ y'all as a nationality, ethnicity, whatever PC term y'all wanna use. Some of your men are damn fine (see Baby Bash for clarification). I know you're all not from Mexi.co, that nationality and ethnicity can be two different things, blah blah. I don't want to get into all that, this ain't about that, so miss me with it, or venture at your own damn risk, because I don't care. You have been officially warned.

Now on with it.

It is a known fact that on the 605, you can lose your life fuckin wit the mexi.cans. They dont know what a blind spot is, and they will drive in yours for miles. Only way you know they're there is when you try to change lanes and you look over to see the lasso in the window of the 3 tone El Camino (primer, pink, and grey from where they done demolished some other poor innocent vehicle that was trying to make a LEGAL lane change), threatening to demolish the passenger side of your car. Then on top of that, they slam on the breaks in the fast lane, on a steep ass curve (this would be the 105 E - 605 N interchange for the Los Angeles Savvy)... for no damn visible reason. And this happens to me every damn day, on the real. So no. I'm not being a racist. K-M-A. Anyways, at any given time, I can look in about six cars and I wont see a black person, a white person, an asian, or whatever else lives in Los Angeles. Nope, all hispanic. And dammit, they're out to get me. I'm the black bean in the bowl of Arroz Con Pollo, and I'm scared about it, y'all.

3. Trucks. The truck drivers of America are to be saluted, I'm sure. But dammit, not when I'm trying to get off the freeway and you're doing like... 10 mph! Get the hell up outta my way, I'm late asswipe!

There are so many more obstacles, this is the tip of the iceberg. But since I don't feel like typing anymore, I'mma quit. The point is, I'm the best damn driver in the world. So there. I'll burn your ass in a '91 Hyundai Excel, I'll burn you in a '98 Expedition, I'll burn you in an '03 Mustang GT. I'm the shit behind the wheel, and you don't wanna see me. If you try, I'll have you executed. Because I have mandated it, and it shall be so. Time for work. BLAH.