Cold Business in the Imperial Kingdom.

Dammit, if it ain't one thang its another.

It has been brought to the Royal Attention (a la Reddy... good lookin' out girl) that my new husband, Mr. Rubberband Man himself, is about to do some time.

I ain't even sent out the invitations yet.

So to hell with Mr. T.I. sexy ass. He can join the harem only upon proof that he is not a "D.L." brotha, (a.k.a. in the Kingdom as an "Undercover BITCH") upon his release. He must now go through a rigourous screening, and he will be mercilessly spied upon while being housed in my Husband Quarters. If I catch that nigga so much as glancing the wrong way at Bizzy Bone, y'all gonna be invited to an execution instead of a wedding.

Fuckin' T.I... why you gotta ruin it for yourself, wit' cha fine ass?

Anyway, I've come up with a solution to the issue of my Mini-Cooper Royal Chariot. I'm gonna get me a real fucked up one, like the one Sam L. Jackson had to drive in Formula 51. Then I'mma make my family move all our cars up the block so it looks like we're extra broke. The only cars that can stay is my broke down Hyundai and my sisters old ass Tercel (neither of which are driven anymore, but so what). Then I'll tell my brother to say its his car since he's only 21 (with the understanding that I'll pay him, but it is by no means HIS mini-cooper), and I'll send the bucket to "Pimp My Ride". HA! Problem solved. I shall be victorious! I'll have the best damn Mini-Cooper in the world, beeyotch! Of course I'll have to get someone to guard it. I might have to sleep in it with mom's .38. Oh well, I'll do what I gotta. I want that damn Mini-Cooper. I saw 4 of them shits on the 605 yesterday, and I was insanely jealous. I've never seen that many at one time. That's a sign y'all, I'm supposed to be in one of those. Just in case I need to drive through the swap meet, or the punk ass Carson Mall. If them crackas can do it in The Italian Job, then I can do it too. I have mandated it, and it shall be so.

Uh oh, the Mighty Midgets of the Dance have returned. I might not make it through the day. Lord, take me now! Or someone shoot me, which ever could happen first. I'll take either option to be rid of this pain. Lemme go eat some cookies and get drugged up real good. I'll be back (maybe, if I'm still alive).